Thought Patches

I almost gave myself a pat on the back before I remembered thought-patches aren’t enough.

I am on Spring Break with my family in Hardy, Arkansas. My daughter and I took a canoe ride this afternoon down the South Fork of Spring River. Once we disembarked at the boat ramp in Hardy Park, we took a selfie to commemorate our little adventure together. Later I looked at the photo in slight disgust. My face sans make-up looked every bit my 40 years. My slightly crooked teeth were on display in my smile. I tried to take a different perspective on it. Years from now when I’m gone, I doubt my daughter will wonder why I didn’t wear waterproof mascara and a high-SPF Foundation and a tinted lip balm. She will simply see her mom. Nothing can add or take away from the fact that her mom took her on a canoe ride during Spring Break when she was 10 years old.

Part of me wanted to pat myself on the back for this re-frame, and I’m sure a good percentage of the spiritual community would have too; but I recalled a passage I had read in the book The Untethered Soul. “Notice that you patched the cracking wall with thoughts. You patched with thoughts that which is made of thoughts. That’s what we do.” So, armed with the book’s instructions, I took a closer at the “why” behind my discomfort. I started peeling back the layers of causation. If I am not beautiful, then am I invisible? If I am invisible, am I recognized — heard? What if I have no voice?? The walls I had built were based on fear of not being seen or heard. I realized in life that I can have no real assurances of being heard…by anyone but myself. I can be there for myself. I can honor myself and in so doing I never have to be truly unseen or unheard. The only true atrocity would be if I stopped listening to myself.

What a breakthrough, eh? Of course then I proceeded to doll myself up. In a fishing cabin. On vacation. Why? Because I’m also living a human experience, and the human April who sometimes feels just fine without makeup, also sometimes likes to look and feel her best, slightly crooked teeth and all.

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